Dr. Stephen Porges, is the originator of Polyvagal Theory, and he identified a biological order of human response that is active in all human experience. You see, we come into the world wired to connect. Even with our first breath, we are seeking and searching to feel safe in our bodies, in our environments, and in our relationships with others. Polyvagal Theory tells us that our autonomic nervous system is our personal surveillance system, and it’s always on guard. Its goal is to protect us by sensing safety and danger, listening moment by moment to what is happening in and around our bodies and in the connections we have with others. This sensing happens far below awareness and is not under our conscious control.

Loneliness is certainly not new here in Canada but the COVID-19 pandemic has certainly amplified the problem with increased social isolation and decreased social support. Any and all emotions can affect our physical health and loneliness is no exception. The U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention says there is a significant link with loneliness leading to dementia, heart disease, stroke and even premature death. An ongoing clinical trial by Mount Sinai Hospital here in Canada shows loneliness is as bad for you as smoking and may actually contribute to 45,000 deaths per year. Even if Covid were all gone tomorrow, loneliness would not be.

Stress is normal. It’s both a physiological and psychological response to a threat or a perceived threat. Normal stress is temporary in our lives and based on the situation at hand. It tends to resolve itself naturally. Toxic stress is different: it is frequent, chronic stress in the absence of adequate support, and has harmful and potentially lasting effects on a person’s physical and mental health.

Childhood emotional neglect often remains unrecognized or unreported. Make no mistake, this is a form of maltreatment and can be devastating for the child and the adult they grow to be. When a child is in an environment that is not supportive over a long period of time, this can affect a child’s sense of self, their capacity to trust others, their ability to engage in healthy relationships and can even affect physical health.

Betrayal is when someone fails or deserts a person in a time of need. At some point in life, most people have felt betrayed by family or a working relationship however, betrayal by family can be particularly painful. These are the people we are supposed to be able to trust – at least that is what our expectations typically are.

Most of us know what we need to do in order to be healthier and more balanced but often we tend to ignore or put off these important activities. They often feel like such a chore or even a burden. Why is that? Well, there could be many reasons.

One word: No. What might that remind you of? A toddler? You likely had no issues saying NO as a toddler. How can it be then that as adults, so many of us just can’t manage that little word?

We all know what it's like to feel guilt. Let's face it; it's not the easiest space in the world to be in. It can be very powerful and magnify even the smallest transgression to feel like an all-encompassing assault on another.

Once you are aware of this, you are beginning to think of change.

Do you know what is the most important factor for a successful outcome for you?

You likely know that fear and anxiety are close relatives. What is the difference?

In your private world, when you ceaselessly compare your accomplishments to other people’s and judge yours to be less good, this will increase your anxiety and you may come to believe that others are superior to you.

A lot of adults are engulfed in misguided shame, guilt, feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness which wreaks havoc on lives, health, and relationships.

Have you been doing what you “should” be doing to help you to feel better over and over yet you are not feeling better and might even be feeling worse?